Deus Ex Machina

I find it funny how the atmosphere you are in, reflects on your thoughts and actions.
How you move to another area or house and because of those around you, the usual course of action awaiting you at 3 in the morning changes compared to when it would normally comprise of a dabble in a new musical artist or writing a blog.

I left Blackpool for the Summer the other week, and the place I now call home before returning to University is at my Dad's in Blackburn/Accrington. It's very close to Blackpool but yet it is a completely different atmosphere. I'd go as far as to say it's another world.
Both sides of my family are complete opposites; my Mum's side enjoy a trip to the pub for some lunch and maybe even a pint. My Dad's enjoy nothing more than to sit in on a Saturday night and making up a game of Family Fortunes or a harmless Ludo tournament. Yet the changes I feel in myself are much greater...

The only way I can describe it is primarily down to culture. I try hard not to split the two cultures by sounding resentful to each one but it's difficult because both have perks and downsides.
My Mum's side is very freely going, allowing you freedom to do what you want, when you want. Everyone has varying opinions and a range of tastes in movies and music. I also find that these aspects are never criticized when around them.
My Dad's side is a collective family. Everybody rallies together and enjoys each others company, despite age difference or gender. However, they are very like-minded so if anyone with a different taste strolls in, it's mocked upon and seen as weird.

I find it hard most times because I stand out from the crowd in many ways at my Dad's. Ranging from my hair to the bigger difference; skin colour. It's hard to fit in... But I plough through it because it's worth it. They are just as important as those on my Mum's side. And I wouldn't be who I am today if it wasn't for both sides of my family.

One aspect of the big differences between them cropped up today. I have been staying at my cousin's house for the past 2 nights because of my Dad's house being decorated. It is where everyone usually congregates and a lot of discussions arise each night; from music to sport to religion.
I hate discussions on religion, mainly because it never causes anything but anger and disagreements.
Religion is a part of life, there is no way of denying that. But in a good way? I strongly disagree... Especially when you look at the events of a certain anniversary that we have just passed yesterday. People act recklessly when religion is involved, at first people think it's the most thought out plan but it's not.

Killing in the name of a higher power, is by far the most ridiculous idea ever thought up.

A debate arose earlier on tonight, in which certain family members believe the Sun is always getting closer to the Earth because God is becoming angry at our actions. First of all, they claimed this as fact. However, the next comment really shocked me; science is fake and nonsense. I of course had to comment on this little Sun comment, in which I said "where is your scientific proof?" They then replied with the previously mentioned statement. Apparently because science is hard to understand, it's not real. As well as psychology. But God's all noticeable self, up there in the clouds causing world wide disasters with his tear induced tsunami's and casual allowance of murder and rape is much more understandable.

It puzzles me to no end. I am not a firm believe in God, angels or any sort of prophet. But I have respect for it all, I even capitalise the name. Though some people cannot see things right in front of their face. To say science is not real, is like saying gravity does not exist and that a man simply came up with the idea of oxygen whilst simply blowing up a balloon.

In the eyes of most people, God is the ultimate Deus ex Machina. The problem solver to end all problem solving, abruptly entering right at the end of time to save every one's souls from the hurt and neglect in which we have caused our planet. A 'cheat' is what I classify it as, arriving out of nowhere to make everything okay again. A bit like at the end of a movie, a man about to be shot in the middle of the street by another main character, only to have the tide turn when the bad guy is run over by a random person.

My theory on it all has always been that God has never had a foothold in my living, so why would he/she have a hand in my dying.
I won't believe that all of these problems in the world is just a sign leading to 'the end of days'. Science has led people to becoming what we are today more than that of religion. Religion gives hope to people in times of need, but science can stop those times by creating penicillin for the diseased or the physics of a digger's controls to rescue those praying from under the rubble.


"You came on your own, and that's how you'll leave. With hope in your hands, and air to breathe."

Vanilla Slices, Continued...

Decided to put up a few poems that I wrote a while ago and a few in which I wrote recently.
They are just a couple that I thought were best to post now, because to be honest some of the others are a bit dreary and stuff even I don't like reading...

Don't.
Don't let me lye on the water, keep me afloat. 

Keep me adrift, don't let me drown no-more.

Don't let me bathe in flames, keep me cold. 

Keep me from burning, don't let me melt away.

Don't let me switch off the light, keep me from the dark. 

Keep me from a shadow, don't let me lose my sight.

Don't let me sleep with misery, keep me completely solemn. 

Keep me from pain, don't let me run away in fear.


Wishful Thinking.
Stood atop a building up high.
A few steps to the left, or a couple of feet to the right.
Plummeting to your arms with eyes shut tight.
Tears that cannot be seen but wholeheartedly felt.
Never wanting to be on this Earth without you, all by myself.

Barrel by my side.
And a chunk of lead in hand.
It would be a quick sight, a flash before my eyes.
Memories of false hope and a happiness full of lies.
I think I'll leave here now, fed up of being reminiscent.
Never wanting to be on this Earth without you, all by myself.

A quickening end, surrounded in a cloud of bubbles.
It might be quick, there'll still be a struggle.
How can I compare it to this hangover.
Where you are by yourself, the both of us never together.
All I wanted was to be sat between beginning and happy ending up on our book shelf.
Never wanting to be on this Earth without you, all by myself.

Selfish Regret.
I sleep in til late,

And ignore pleas for me to wake,

A lot of the time we share, so incredibly short,

Lets return to our beginnings, upon our honeymoon resort.

I'm feeling so selfish and I truly regret,
Absolutely all of it.
I've always been so selfish but you make me complete,
Every single little bit.

Colliding with each other,
A vast collection of nouns,
Each one so powerful, I'm shaken to the ground,
I wish we could start over,
Forgetting all the anger and reminiscing with sweet words.

I'm feeling so selfish and I truly regret,
Absolutely all of it.
I've always been so selfish but you make me complete,
Every single little bit.


Ocean Tide.

I'm swimming out towards you,

Right out into the middle of it all,
You push me back,
Pushing me away, back towards a desolate land,
Towards the centre of population in a big shipwreck,
The place on land where we all belong to heartbreak,

Fighting against you, and losing the battle,
I'm crashing against rocks held inside your waves,
The beat of your heart so quickening but steady,
Crazed and deranged, you suck me in like a whirlpool lagoon,
I'm not ready to sink towards the empty bottom,
Give me a chance to stay and tidy up the clutter,

Your current state of mind,
It's a different kind of current,
Unable to swim within and difficult to drown beneath,
Please I plead, stop sending me back,
The shore is a lonely place,
Around there you won't find a trace,
Of me and you wherever,
So calm your oceans and let me join you out there,
You and I together.

Prosper & Struggle.

August ends,
For a new day to begin,
We laughed and we cried,
But the sun starts to hide, no a longer shine,
The waves are calm, soon to be rampant,
Where the winds will soon blow the trees, to a haunting slant,
The air isn't clear,
But I'm okay to be here, right here with you,

Leaves once green,
Fade to a dustless stance,
Empty branches and a cold air romance,
We used to walk in the heat,
Now we will lye next to one another, to warm each others feet,
Clouds fade to a grey,
Among a moody sky, the rains here to stay,
The air isn't clear,
But I'm happy to stay right here, right here with you.

Gaze at the stars,
Hid among the cluster of dust,
Soothing sounds and a gentle lust,
We would stare for hours,
Without a fear of it turning sour,
The ground covered in frost,
Clambering to our feet out of fear of becoming lost,
The air is never clear,
But I'm in love here, in love with you.

Hope you enjoyed reading them, and if you want give me some pointers on what you think needs improving. I expect poem names to be among this list, as they are pretty, pretty lame.

Jake.

"I hope you find the love that's true, so the morning light can shine on you. I hope you find what you're looking for, so your heart is warm for ever more."