Life, death and youth is always something that has interested me. The first two in particular continue to perplex me and leave me wanting a satisfactory meaning to the whole construction of what we call our existence. Everyone dies at some point... It's a fact of nature and it is a subject of emotional responses, and more often that not; regret. There are many people that I have never met in my life or come across whilst alive that I wish I had. This ranges from music artists such as Ian Curtis to actors such as Marlon Brando. Both of them either dying before my time or during my life, but myself being much too young to appreciate.
I suppose the main obstacle in life is holding onto dear memories that when taking place, you don't realise just how special they are. Only for you to later on, rediscover something and think back to a moment and feeling that left you reserved.
The oldest memory which I possess is one where I walk into my Nan's house to a crowded hallway of about 6 or 7 people all staring at me with joy and happiness. The problem I have with this memory is that I often dictate whether it is real... The reason being is because in this memory, my great Grandad is stood there next to all my other family members and smiling back at me. He is stood sort of to the side, inbetween the hallway and the kitchen, just next to the porch. I never properly met him and if I did, I was never old enough to speak to him. Such memories can confuse you because you start to ponder whether it is just false hope that creates a moment like this to give you a feeling of optimism, that you can live knowing that your ancestors saw you brought into the world and living with a smile on your face.
A thought always comes into my head when I think about stuff like this. Thoughts specifically leading to a choice, which if offered, what would I choose? The decision between living a mortal life or becoming immortal and experiencing life over and over until the end of time. Immortality is a subject that always compels me to read more and more into it and gain an understanding on the pros and cons of living forever.
One particular example is that of Dorian Gray. A fictional character I first came across quite a while ago, from the film "The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen". The film was entirely rubbish and yet again; a fail at adapting graphic novels to the big screen. However, that is beyond the point... From then on, I was enthralled in this tale of how a man wished to be young forever, to stay as he is now, exactly the same as his portrait. For his recently painted portrait to age instead of him.
It was only until recently when I was given the book as a present, that I truly understood the story and fell in love even more so with Oscar Wilde's tale.
Within the story, Dorian Gray comes across a man by the name of Henry Wotton; a man fueled by all of the pleasures in life and a renowned hedonist in his circle of friends and acquaintances. He teaches Dorian to stop being so naive in life and see it more for what it is. Whether he is right or wrong, he places Dorian on his journey in life, forever altering his views and travels. The strength in the story which has me most interested is that Wotton is clearly an alter-ego of Wilde. His philosophical views are clearly Wilde speaking from the depth of his heart on how we should live life and in some ways, the benefits of living forever.
A quote from Henry Wotton in the story is as follows;
"Beauty is a form of genius - is higher, indeed, than genius, as it needs no explanation. It is of the great facts in the world like sunlight, or springtime, or the reflection in dark water of that silver shell we call the moon."
I suppose in a way he is right and that all human life is depressing that one day, no matter who you are, beauty fades and you become somebody else. No longer loved by all, but adored by few. It is the reason people wish to look as young as possible for as long as is possible. A form of immortality...
But what always gets me thinking is that despite us living a life that is always filled with love and hate, joy and sadness and laughter and tears, human life is so special for that very reason. We will always face that impending doom of death and losing a loved one. It is why everything is so precious. If the option of living forever was made available to us, I suspect many would say yes and that is not excluding me. But would we lose whatever made us human in the first place.
A film which I always think has an underbelly of deep thought in this matter is Troy starring Brad Pitt and Eric Bana. A mythical story based around the siege of Troy and how Achilles became one of the most famous names in Greek mythology. Achilles at one point though, which is my favourite scene in the film, says to Briseis (who is a Priestess and devout servant of the Gods) a quote which despite it being out of context with how we follow religion nowadays compared to ancient Greece, still holds true;
"I'll tell you a secret. Something they don't teach you in your temple. The Gods envy us. They envy us because we're mortal, because any moment might be our last. Everything is more beautiful because we're doomed. You will never be lovelier than you are now. We will never be here again."
We as mortal men and women value life so highly because any moment we could be gone, another box in the ground or a 1000 grains of dust scattered into the sea. We follow rules and passages from old text because we feel like we should live a certain way but if God is real, is it not he that wishes so much to be human? Does he not watch over us witnessing how much we can love and yet how much we can destroy with jealousy?
If I were immortal, the gains of living forever would be great. Being able to make sure my blood line could last generations. That all of my family may live the longest possible without fear of death as I could be there to protect them. How I could witness everything unfold without a care in the world.
But I think in the end, I hold my mortality in high regard. That whatever choices I make, have consequences. When I eventually leave the world, I can leave with optimism knowing I lived a good life and that I may in some hope, be celebrated by those closest to me. Rather than be here longer enough to witness those I love pass by and the imminent loneliness of knowing the world has changed and I have not.
"Youth is like diamonds in the sun, and diamonds are forever."
